Someone to Stay Read online

Cassie allowed herself to smile at his optimism. “Yeah. You’re right. Well, I think it’s time for me to get ready for bed. And don’t you have to get up early?”

  She heard him mock groan. “Always and forever. Alright, love. Goodnight. I can’t wait to see that pretty smile again.”

  After saying goodbye, she ended the call, staring at her phone for a while after. She wondered if Jake felt the time passing as she did - that underlying sense of the days passing by, bringing them closer and closer to the end. Setting her phone on the nightstand, she made her way to the shower, desperately needing to wash her day away and all of her uncertainties with it.

  The next day, Cassie stood in front of Sam’s door, telling herself to swallow the nerves she felt, the ones that were keeping her arms rooted to her side. After a few long seconds, Cassie forced herself to lift her hand, balling it into a tight fist, and knocked.

  Madison stood beside her, her big eyes taking in the scene. Cassie had felt strangely grateful that she had shown up at her house last night - it was unexpected and completely out of the blue, but now that it had happened, Cassie could think of no other way that this could have panned out.

  Sam answered the door, her face immediately hardening at the sight of the two of them. Her posture changed and her frame became rigid as she rested against the door frame.

  “What the hell, Madison?”

  Her words were clipped, biting. Cassie had to keep herself from flinching.

  “I’m doing you a favor. Let us in.”

  Sam scowled but relented, opening the door and gesturing dramatically as Cassie and Madison walked inside. They made their way over to the couch, sitting down. Madison looked bored; Cassie fiddled nervously with a hole in her jean shorts.

  “So, what’s going on?” Sam asked, standing several feet away from the couch, her arms crossed.

  “I went over to Cassie’s last night to convince her to come today,” Madison said, her tone taking on an inflexible pitch. “You need to talk to each other. And ignoring her calls isn’t going to fix what happened.”

  “Maybe you should have minded your own business,” Sam snapped, but without much conviction.

  “Maybe,” Madison agreed, shrugging. “But you know that’s not me.”

  They stared at each other intensely for so long that Cassie was uncertain what to do. She felt very out of place for a moment, and she shifted in her spot on the couch to give her body something to do.

  “Cassie,” Madison said after a moment, turning to look at her. Cassie studied Madison’s face, her regal profile, her sharp, studious nose. “We’re here. Say what you’ve wanted to say.”

  Cassie nodded and then looked back at Sam who was regarding her warily.

  “Sam, I’m sorry.”

  She thought she saw Sam’s eyes roll at that but couldn’t be sure. For a moment, she felt a painful wave of anger, of bitterness, creeping into her throat. She swallowed, and folded her hands together.

  “You don’t believe me.”

  Sam huffed. “I believe you.”

  “Then why are you being this way?” She tried to hide the hurt in her voice, to mask it, replace it with her anger. But she couldn’t.

  “I’m not sure what you expect to happen, Cassie.” Sam waved her arms out, a sign of defeat, yet her face said anything but. Her expression was stormy, angry. “What you said...you can’t just take it back. You can’t blame it on your dad. What you said...you meant it.”

  Cassie was shaking her head, Sam’s words numbing her, branding her. She stood up suddenly, the wave of emotions and adrenaline and sadness and fear escalating into something she wished she could touch, something she wish she could burn. “No. No. No, Sam. You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to tell me what I feel.”

  “What you feel?” Sam was leaning in now, pointing. Her face was red, splotching; Cassie’s eyes darted all over her face, her heart racing madly in her chest. “Like you’re the only one who feels, Cassie. Like you’re the only one who’s lost something, who’s had their own shit to deal with. You act like it was easy to look after you. Like it was easy to pretend that nothing was wrong for a fucking year. And then Jake Mason comes to town, and everything changes. You tell him everything. Things you wouldn’t even tell your own best fucking friend.”

  “Sam -” Cassie spit out, before stopping. She leaned back, distancing herself from the bubble of rage that had formed around Sam. She shot a glance at Madison, who looked quite taken aback at the outburst.

  “Are you happy, Madison? Is this what you wanted?” Sam asked her, shooting daggers.

  “I think this is ridiculous, honestly,” Madison said. “How long have you guys been friends, and you’re acting like this?”

  “But she -” Sam started, but she was cut off.

  “She is apologizing for her mistake. And you refuse to even acknowledge it. It’s not like you, Sam.”

  Sam said nothing else after that, and Cassie stared at Madison. For years, they’d been nothing more than acquaintances, barely beyond saying hello when they saw each other. Yet she was sticking up for her.

  “Sam,” Cassie said quietly. “I am sorry. I...I wish I could explain to you why I said the things I did. I hope, one day, you’ll let me try. But I do miss you. Every day that passes without you, I feel it. Gaping, inside of me.”

  There was a very still silence at this as everyone in the room was completely silent. Sam was staring at Cassie, mouth agape; Cassie could feel Madison’s eyes moving between the both of them.

  “I feel so small,” Sam finally said, licking her lips and sitting down into her recliner. “I feel like all of my efforts, all the things I’d tried to do to help you to cope with your dad, they were all for nothing.”

  “They weren’t for nothing,” Cassie said, almost a whisper. “They weren’t.”

  “You never opened up to me.” Sam’s voice was no longer angry, and her face crumpled and Cassie thought she saw tears brimming in her eyes.

  “Sam...” Cassie tentatively stepped over to her. “I just didn’t know how to. Everything...hurt, so much. And talking about it, thinking about it, hurt even more. So I just...didn’t.”

  “But it wasn’t healthy,” Sam said quietly, and Cassie watched as two tears broke loose from the swell in Sam’s eyes. She stepped forward again.

  “I know. I mean, I know that now. I thought I was...strong enough to ignore it. To pretend that my dad’s death didn’t happen, it was all I had. And then Jake...he forced me to see things differently. He asked me questions nobody else did.”

  “I should have done that. I should have forced you to talk about it. But I never did, because I was afraid.”

  Cassie held her arms out, pulling Sam into a crushing hug. It was so strange to finally be in this place with Sam; to talk about things they never talked about, in front of Madison Elbourne, no less. Cassie felt Sam’s thin, rigid frame, her back taut and rigid. Cassie squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could freeze this moment forever.

  “Let’s never fight like this again, okay? Don’t let me walk out the door.”

  Sam’s arms tightened around Cassie, her voice muffled as she said, “Okay. I won’t. I’m sorry for what I said.”

  “It’s okay. I understand.”

  Cassie let her go and stood back, eying Madison timidly. Madison had a small smile in her face, just a small curve of her mouth the only indication of her thoughts. Cassie didn’t feel wary as she might have before, though.

  “So, now that that’s done,” Madison said, clapping her hands together and sitting up. “Who’s hungry?”

  “So, what all have you been up to the past few weeks?” Sam asked as the three of them perused the menu at the Allegheny Diner. Even though it was noon, Cassie decided on a stack of pancakes for her lunch. Her hand gripped the mug of coffee she was nursing, its heat seeping through and almost burning her.

  She was a little apprehensive about going into a lot of detail about her relationship with Jake with Madison sitting ac
ross from her. She bit her lip and then reminded herself that she owed Madison quite a lot now and that included a little bit of trust.

  “Well, I’ve been working, of course. And spending time with Jake.”

  She took a sip of her coffee, watching the reactions from Sam and Madison. Both of them wereunreadable; she set her mug down with a slight clink.

  “And how is that going? With Jake, I mean. We saw the tabloids a few weeks ago.”

  Their waitress stopped by the table after that, and the three of them placed their orders. Once she stepped away, Cassie sat back.

  “Before I say anything, I want to know that it’ll never leave the three of us.”

  It was odd, saying it: the three of us. Cassie couldn’t remember the last time it had been anybody but her and Sam.

  “I don’t blab,” Madison said, shrugging.

  “You know I don’t either,” Sam said.

  Cassie nodded, clutching her mug again. She glanced around the diner; only a few tables were occupied. Nobody seemed to be paying them any attention.

  “It’s been getting...intense,” she said finally. She thought of the last few weeks. She thought of the way the sun hit his face and the way he looked at her like she was the only thing he ever saw. She thought of the visceral way her body responded to him when he kissed her, her mind screaming at him to touch her.

  “Intense...how?” Sam prompted, twirling the straw in her pop. Madison was only watching them, hands on the table, obviously interested in the conversation but perhaps uncertain how to contribute.

  “He’s just so...” Cassie said, trailing off. She wished she had the words to describe it, the way he brought out this part of her she didn’t even know existed. “Full of life. He’s veracious. He’s...”

  “Have you guys...you know.” Sam wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, giggling into her cup. Madison quirked a smile at that.

  “Oh. No, no. I mean, not that I don’t want to...” Cassie sighed, not allowing the thought to fully form, the fantasy she’d had of feeling his skin against hers. “We just haven’t talked about it. And he lives in a mobile trailer on set, and I live with my mom. Just not the most...conducive locations for that.”

  “What’s he like?” Madison asked quietly.

  Cassie looked at her, her hands wrapping around her coffee, and she took another sip. The liquid soothed her, grounded her. How could she describe Jake without falling short?

  “He’s is the kindest person I’ve ever met.” She paused, looking down at her drink, the brown liquid reflecting the florescent lighting above them. She listened to the clinks of forks and knives, the sound of the door to the kitchen swinging back and forth, the footsteps of their waitress from across the room. “He’s gracious, stubborn, evasive, expressive. I’ve never met anyone like him.”

  When she looked up, Madison and Sam were watching her, enthralled. Sam’s face had softened so much Cassie was worried that Sam might actually start crying again.

  “Are you falling for him?” Sam asked.

  Cassie felt her posture go rigid, and she scowled. “No. It’s way too quick for that. We just enjoy each other’s company.” Sam made a face of disbelief, shooting a sideways glance at Madison, who was smirking. “What? You can’t fall in love with someone in a month. Besides, he’s leaving in less than three weeks.”

  She stopped herself after that. Thinking about Jake leaving was just too much to bear.

  “You guys aren’t going to stay together after he leaves?” Sam asked, obviously disappointed.

  Cassie shook her head. “It makes no sense, Sam. He’s from England. I’m from a hick town in PA. It would never work.”

  This time, it was Madison who spoke. “Why not? Anything could work if you put your mind to it. Are you telling us you’re going to be okay once he leaves?”

  She shrugged. “I’ll get over it. It’s just a crush.”

  Now they both looked dubious, and Cassie decided to change the subject.

  “What about you guys? What have you been getting into?”

  It was flimsy, but Sam allowed the conversation to shift, launching into a few stories about visiting the Carnegie Museum of Art, one of her terrible coworkers at the gym who switched with her but didn’t show up to cover the traded shift, a few days spent at the pool at her mom’s house, a terrible date she went on with a guy she met online. Cassie found herself nodding along but not fully absorbing all the details - Sam and Madison’s admonishments stuck in her mind. She had gotten through the last few weeks by telling herself that she would be just fine once Jake left, refusing to actually think about that last goodbye. She wondered, not for the first time, if Jake thought about it, too. It was coming up, each day bringing them closer and closer to it - he had to think about it, at least sometimes. Did he also have doubts about ending things, or was he steadfast in his decision? They didn’t talk about it, instead focusing on the present, on each other.

  “What do you say, Cassie?” she heard, breaking her from her thoughts. She cleared her throat, eyes snapping to Sam, who had spoken, and supplied a weak smile.

  “Sorry. I guess I drifted off.”

  Sam raised an eyebrow. “I asked if you wanted to come with us to Pittsburgh for a bar crawl tonight.”

  “Who will drive?” Cassie asked. Madison gave a small laugh, just as the waitress came by with their food.

  She set the plates down in front of them - Madison and Sam each got a burger and fries, and Cassie got pancakes and eggs. They thanked the woman and she walked away, leaving them alone with their food.

  “We usually get a room when we go, so nobody has to worry about it,” Sam said, squeezing ketchup onto her plate. She handed the bottle to Madison, and Cassie realized for the first time how close the two of them actually were.

  “It’s fun,” Madison was saying as she picked up her burger and took a bite.

  Cassie didn’t go to bars. There were only a few in town and they were all dirty dive bars. There was, of course, the bar at the hotel, but she wasn’t allowed to drink there, being an employee. The idea of being in a crowded Pittsburgh bar wasn’t exactly appealing, but she knew she needed to do something to keep herself from thinking about Jake leaving, and this could be the perfect thing to do so.

  “Alright, I’ll go,” Cassie said. “I have the night off, so why not?”

  “Really? You’ll go?” Sam asked, mid bite.

  “Yeah. I’m in.”

  Sam’s smile was big and bright. Cassie drizzled syrup over her pancakes and cut into them, breaking off a sizable chunk and taking a bite.

  “We’re going to have so much fun!” Sam exclaimed, suddenly very animated. It was the Sam that Cassie knew before their argument, all excitement and energy. She returned the smile, feeling a sense of happiness and contentment.

  She couldn’t help but wish she could invite Jake, but she forced herself to swallow that hope down.

  14.

  “It’s time for another shot!” Madison shouted over the noise of the crowded bar, bringing three shot glasses, two of them balanced perfectly in one hand. Her face was flushed and her lips bright pink, a contrast to the dark room. Music was thumping in the background, people were bumping into them and their table, and Cassie had her purse clutched in her lap, afraid to set it down.

  She’d already had two shots and one beer, and her head felt fuzzy. The room was beginning to feel distant, as if she could reach out and not quite touch it. Her phone sat on the table, the screen black. So far, she had refused to text Jake.

  Sam was bouncing in her seat, nodding her head to the music. When she realized Madison had more shots, she squealed.

  “Hell yeah!”

  Cassie took hers, smiling at the two of them. They raised their glasses in the air and clinked them together then drank.

  The sweet liquid burned her throat; she couldn’t get it all in one go. Draining her glass, she stacked it in with the others, and let out a giggle.

  “What was that?” she asked over th
e noise.

  “Washington Apple. My favorite.” Madison took a seat back at the table, smoothing her skirt down. Both of them dressed so brightly with glittering shirts and necklaces. Cassie felt almost inadequate next to them; she’d settled for a pair of shorts, gladiator sandals and a cream tank.

  “It was good,” Cassie said, nodding. She took another swig of her beer, relaxing into her chair as the alcohol hit her some more, its waves rushing all the way to her toes. She always felt it first in her legs.

  The night had gone extremely well, for Cassie’s first outing with Madison. She learned that Madison went to school for journalism and was interning at a local newspaper, and she volunteered at an animal shelter once a week. Cassie had found it fascinating that this entire person existed, this whole mess of memories and dreams and aspirations, in the form of someone she had never thought twice about. It made her hand itch; she wanted to draw Madison as she imagined she looked at work or at the shelter, eyes focused on her tasks, a smile on her face. How beautiful she’d be, captured in that moment.

  “So when are you seeing Jake again?” Sam half-yelled at her. Cassie’s buzzed mind had to think extra hard about the answer.

  “Er...on Saturday.”

  “What do you guys do?” Madison asked.

  “Anything. We go out to eat, see movies, go hiking, hang out at my house. We try to avoid super public places though.”

  “Has your mom met him yet?” Sam asked her, finishing the last of her mixed drink. She pushed the glass back.

  “Yeah, actually, he stayed for dinner once.”

  “Shut up!”

  The three of them laughed at Sam’s response, and Cassie finished her beer in two large sips.

  “How about we get out of here and try another bar?” Madison asked. “This place is way too...frat.”

  In her haze, Cassie could see what she meant. There were a lot of frat guys here with their salmon-colored polos and teal boating shorts. She figured even fraternities didn’t get the summer off.

  The three of them exited the bar, and Cassie breathed in the summer night. She felt like she was floating; she looked to the sky and saw nothing but a misty moon, dulled by a stretch of opaque clouds breezing over it. She reached her hand up, as though intending to grab it, her fingers curling but not quite touching.